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| Dealing with a deadbeat | |
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| Topic Started: Jul 23 2009, 11:51 PM (97 Views) | |
| The Grenadier | Jul 23 2009, 11:51 PM Post #1 |
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About two years ago, a friend of mine moved out of his parent's home. He had $50,000 his parents had set aside for him from some sort of a settlement from an injury he sustained as a child, and he bought a car, rented an apartment, and paid ahead on his insurance and rent. So, it seemed like he was off to a pretty good start. But a few weeks later, it all started to go downhill. I won't go into details, but he was evicted from his apartment a month later, he lent his car to some friends and got it totaled, bought another car a few months later and got that one towed away, and pretty much just pissed away the rest of his money from there. For the past year now, he's pretty much been a vagabond. He wanders around, finds some place to crash (half the time it's on the streets, other times people are kind enough to let him stay at their homes for a few days) and doesn't really do much of anything to improve his situation. He always says, "I'm gonna do this..." or "I'm working on getting a job lined up somewhere..." or "Yeah, my band's getting pretty close to getting signed, so pretty soon we're gonna start making money..." or some variation of one of those. When he came for a visit earlier this week, he finally broke down crying and told me he was sick of everything that was going on in his life - not having a home, not having much money, not being able to hold a steady relationship, etc. My mother and I did everything we could to get him back on his feet. We gave him some clean clothes, fed him, and let him stay at our home for a few days. We also had him talk with his parents (with whom he had a falling out), and they said they'd let him move back in after they discussed it/thought about it. Things are looking up for him, and I hope everything works out. However, there is still a problem. Over the past two years that he's been out on his own, I've lent him a good amount of money. Twenty bucks to get a shirt, a few bucks to get a pack of cigarettes, a couple of dollars to get some drinks, etc. I also lent him a few DVD's that ended up being stolen from him. He told me he'd pay me back all those times, but he either "forgot" about it or I told him it could wait because I knew he couldn't afford it at the time. I've kept track of all this, and all in all, he owes me approximately $80 - $100. I've been fairly lenient with him. I want to get the money back, but I also don't want to knock him back down on his ass right after he's gotten back on his feet. How should I go about dealing with this? |
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| Sergeant_Keslo | Jul 24 2009, 09:10 PM Post #2 |
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Well first question: Are you in need of the money? You can always remind him that its a loan, and one day (not now) you shall collect. Don't pester him, but just give him a friendly reminder. |
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"The rush of battle is often a potent and lethal addiction, for war is a drug" - Chris Hedges | |
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| lukey125 | Jul 25 2009, 04:02 AM Post #3 |
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If you aren't in need of the money atm you could wait till he gets a job. |
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| The Grenadier | Jul 26 2009, 08:47 PM Post #4 |
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No, I don't need the money right away. I don't mind waiting awhile, but I don't want to wait too long. |
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| Sergeant_Keslo | Jul 27 2009, 11:18 AM Post #5 |
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Then I really suggest that you just remind him that he has to pay you back eventually. Give him a sense of urgency to find a job and *BLAM* like that. |
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"The rush of battle is often a potent and lethal addiction, for war is a drug" - Chris Hedges | |
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| Jana | Jul 29 2009, 02:32 PM Post #6 |
 
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You know... if he's an awesome friend of yours and you really care about him, don't concern yourself with the money too much. His life seems to be sucking and even though he could control it to some extent, he really is in a rough spot. Consider it an act of charity and if he pays you back it'll be a pleasant surprise. It's not THAT much money to you, but it could be a TON to him. If you really need it or want it, write up an itemized receipt and have him sign it, agreeing that he will pay it back. I'm not sure what else to do. I've always been taught to donate to the less fortunate, even if I realize they may use the money I give them for things I don't approve of. It's not my job to judge whether they deserve it or not, so I do what I can to help them. I've donated a lot of money, clothing, and other possessions during my lifetime and I truly think it's made me a better person and more grateful for what I have. You know better than I do, though, what kind of situation he's in. If the money is important to you, pursue it. You have every right to and should not feel bad pushing him for it, especially if he's capable of paying and hasn't because it's your money and not someone else's. Edited by Jana, Jul 29 2009, 02:34 PM.
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| The Grenadier | Aug 4 2009, 03:32 PM Post #7 |
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I've given this a great deal of thought. I am not in desperate need of money (although I am heading off to college soon and every dollar counts), and it seems like he probably wouldn't be able to pay me back anytime soon. I thought things had been going alright for him after he moved back in with his parents, but from my recent observations, it appears his attitude has not changed. I'm just going to forget the entire debt and never lend him anything again. Thank you all for your advice 
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| Jana | Aug 5 2009, 12:27 AM Post #8 |
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Good choice. 
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